The Current State of Affairs

Life is less than perfect. But something tells me that is not news to you, reader.

Things have been (noticeably) all wrong for about a week. I think a problem I have with certain relationships is dwelling on mistakes. I can't let things go and always strive to fix things when I feel like something was my fault. And this time around, it was definitely my fault.
The hardest part is wanting desperately to apologize and not being able to do so.

But I'm going to do myself a favor and try not to focus on the actual events that caused this recent state of affairs. I have definitely learned something. It's quite coincidental that all of this went down after my last post on my arrogance and vanity. I have been smacked right in the face with the knowledge that I'm not in control. I thought I had everything figured out (everything to the extent that someone could) and was just going to ride out the goodness of life.

But pruning must occur for character to grow. (John 15:2 and James 1:2)

I have been handed a broken relationship to deal with on a platter with a note saying, "by the way Ian, your flesh is weak and your mind is not as strong-willed as you thought."
I have been tormented all week, but have been bombarded with passages and friends who speak Forgiveness to me. I read of redemption and many people have taken my pain into their hands to tell me that they will love me unconditionally. If you have been an apparatus of love to me this week, I say with complete humbleness: thank you. I have found a deepening in some relationships despite my current broken ones that would not have occurred had I remained under the illusion that I was living a minimally sinful life.
(Romans 3:23)

All these verses I've claimed to live my life by are now becoming reality. I will keep this post short. If you read this and I have wronged you (whether the wrong was the one specific to this blog or another), I wish to humble my arrogant self as much as possible and ask for your forgiveness. Even if I never receive your forgiveness, however, I know that God has forgiven me. Had I committed murder, I would be forgiven should my heart be sincere. That knowledge has been my light this past week. I know I will still be bothered by the fact that I have done wrong in some lives, but I must look to the story of grace through this time.

I am imperfect.
I am loved.

I will return to my family now as we spend our last days in Arlington. With much respect we will lay my grandfather down into his final resting place. Thank you also for those who have given concern to myself and or my family. I am not sorrowful on this matter, for death is another part of life, but it is always comforting to know that there are people out there who love me.
And I will say that the love is mutual. Thank you reader for your time. May you have a blessed week.

- Ian M. Charbonnet