An "L" Word

I have never liked the word Leader.
I don't like using the word when describing myself or others. I think one of my "core" philosophies (by this I mean an innate perception that I must either accept or change consciously) is slightly anarchic in that I desire for people not to be lead. I have always desired for people to just be moral. Why can't people help others in need or maintain a responsible life style without being lead? We have laws and law enforcement. Presidents make decisions that represent a country, but they never seem to have the WHOLE country backing them up. Surely there is some sort of standard that is so true and so perfect that we won't need someone to show it to us...


That paragraph riddled with rant is because I feel convicted for leadership. I feel like any hole or imperfection in any of my relationships or in organizations I am affiliated with must be filled by me. Less vaguely, a group on campus I find myself volunteering a LOT of time with has been convicted for its lack of acceptance and love on people outside of it. Because of this conviction, I feel like it is my duty to be loving on each and every individual whom I do not know both at meetings for this group and outside of this group. In no way is loving others a bad thing reader, but when it begins to stress you out, re-evaluation might be necessary.

An anecdote: Weeks before I was a senior in high school, I was given the news that I was to be the President of Choir at our school. I was quite excited to have the position thinking that I was going to spend some extra hours planning events, doing paperwork and leading by example.
However, this wasn't the case as my director constantly wanted me to reprimand the class and intervene in anything that wasn't productive. I felt more like I was supposed to be a cop than a President. I had hoped that my peers would respect me (selection for President is both a teacher's choice and a vote by the members of the choir) and that I wouldn't have to be a "Nazi" - as was the term for any officer who was strict. This wasn't the case. My "lead by example" idea was quite a failure and students walked over my asking politely for cooperation during rehearsals. Many of my close friends were unable to help out as well, they preferred to like the idea that "Ian is chill and if we resist long enough, he will just give up and focus on being good himself."

I bring up this story to give a glimpse at my reluctance to ever consider myself a "leader." My father uses that term around me a lot; tells me I have certain "qualities" that make for a good leader. I find myself to be personable, but I DESPISE telling others what to do. Not telling them what to do in a job sense (if they sign up for something, they expect to be lead), but in a more personal lifestyle kind of leading. I feel like I have little to no right to tell someone what to do because I find myself to be their equal, not higher nor lower (Romans 3:23). Because of this, I continue to try and just get things done in my own way, focusing on my own actions rather than the actions of others. Campus group not accepting others? My ears hear, "Ian, go love and accept everybody so that the group does not have that stereotype." Ok, job accepted.

Yet I find myself tired.**

My ideologies (politically and practically) don't seem to work very well. They all run on the fact that people will (or should) all be selfless and do what is right. Economically, Democrats tend to want higher taxes that the government can use to "benefit" the country (as far as I can tell). Some of those taxes go to helping the poor. I am glad that tax money helps the poor! However, wouldn't it be better if everyone just spent that money on helping the poor themselves? The more right-wing view would seem that private groups should help the poor, not the government. But I don't see these private groups working the degree they could be. So my "perfect world" view of economy and helping the poor falls under a more right-wing view, but I don't see results, does that mean I should lean the other way so I know stuff is getting done at the expense of higher taxes?

*I don't pride myself in any sense of political/economic knowledge, so these views are either extremely basic or incorrect (if the latter, I would love info so I can be a more informed citizen) and serve to display a point, not cause any sort of political fuss. No one likes that stuff.

I guess the point that I'm trying to get at is that we ALL can be leaders. We can all LEAD our own lives. I'm all about getting closer to a world where leaders are unnecessary due to the fact that the population is actually seeking the benefit of the world as a whole and not looking so selfishly inward all the time. My views seem impractical on a daily basis so often, and daily I need to decide what I will be sacrifice in a given instance (ideological views, or practical results).

Did this rant have anything to do with you dear reader? Probably not, but that's ok. Just a snippit of the things that go on in my mind. Please don't think of advice to give, this is not one of those blogs. Rather, please take this time to reflect on the blessings in your life, reader. Love abounds and is a daily part of life. This is the key point to make in any statement/post/rant/conversation (even if it seems to have little to do with the majority of the statement/post...etc.). Life to the full will never be loveless. Trust me on that. As such, you are loved dear reader, never ever forget that.

- Ian Charbonnet

*The title may or may not be grammatically correct. Most words that begin with L don't start with the sounds "el." Because of this, I treated the letter as the word
"el" that it may flow better.

** This blog in no way shape or form is me saying that I am too tired to continue pursuing others in love. No way at all.