I find myself at a peace. This blog is foreign to me, but I am unconcerned. I think a few random snippets of thought before I paint a picture will suffice for this post:
People have been very respectful of my beliefs lately.
Oh shoot, I'm becoming somewhat religious.
Christians have been giving me charity, I really don't know how to repay it and it is humbling.
Eric Whitacre's music gets me high.
Being able to breathe and swallow is something I don't take for granted after this past month.
I turn to blogging when I have papers to write it would seem. A philosophy paper on how (if at all) humans persist through time is due in two days. Theories of brain scanning and transplants to raise the question of, "what does it take for ME to persist?" Can a body be taken away with only a brain to remain? Does consciousness BELONG somewhere? Are we in the ground when a body is buried or are we somewhere else?
However, all of those questions do not pertain anything to the thoughts of my mind currently. I have one wish in this moment. My sole desire is to be back in northern California, if only for one night, so I can drive again. The beach here is gorgeous and the mountains give a great view of the water and the city below, but I miss the movement and the air and the feeling of my hometown. Just a slight ounce of homesickness. I want to be on the roads that I can almost drive blindfolded. This Will Destroy You and Explosions In The Sky will make for the perfect driving playlist on this night.
Back home, the night was mine. Here in this slum (this trashed yet beautiful slum that I live in) the night belongs to my peers. The night belongs to animal pleasures and conditional promises. Back home, no one was on the roads. Back home, my music and my thoughts filled the capacity of my city to the brim. This post isn't driven in a specific direction (pun intended), but is merely me saying that at this moment in time I want to be speeding down backroads with nothing audible but my music and the faint hum of the engine. My phone won't go off, no Facebook notifications, no events to plan, no standard to uphold; just me and the presence of God taking form around me. I can tell you what tranquility is.
Maybe when I pull over, I will open the sunroof and stargaze. So many memories in that car. So many beautiful nights.
One more moment. One more scene.
A Spanish cathedral. Hundreds of yards long. White floors under white ceilings. Gold trimmings amidst cold columns. I just want to sing one more song with my choir. Just once more lift my voice in harmony for the sake of music. May it bless the Lord's ears. The rise and fall in dynamic; the cadence and dissonance. I want to be surrounded by those who poured their soul into the music like I did. Four and a half graduating classes come and gone. I want to see their faces. So many beautiful faces. If I could just be back there.
Musica Animam Tangens.
(http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1230520081961&comments&set=t.797535482&type=1)
It is on this day that the fate of the world was determined. True Love reigns. It will and forever always reign. So be loved my dear reader. It is Love that truly sets us free.
- Ian Charbonnet
you already know what i'll say: borrow my car.
ReplyDeleteif there was a "like" button for this post I would click it.
ReplyDeleteI miss home too, but I love being able to go anywhere I want without having to tell my parents what I'm doing everytime.
ReplyDelete