Dos: We've Only Just Begun

Currently listening to Morten Lauridsen's "O Magnum Mysterium"
It is a gorgeous piece and if you ever have had a love for music as given by the human voice. I would hope you would find yourself in a place where you can play this song, close your eyes, and find something beautiful.
O Magnum Mysterium

I am starting my second year at UCSB. So many things are great! I have a bed (courtesy of Rip Charbonnet, it's one of those "long stories"), my housemates/apartment-mates are great, and I have been able to see so many wonderful people whom I have missed all summer.

This summer was one that I will appreciate for a long time. I didn't really do anything super "interesting." I worked at a concert venue/amphitheater and interned for a software company. I slept in most days and played a lot of video games when I was awake, but more than anything, I found an odd presence - a growing in spirituality that I didn't think was possible without me venturing out into the woods, or gazing out into the ocean or some other corny adventure like that. I met some awesome people this summer as well as grew deeper in friendships with some of those I was already close to.

Looking at this summer and this next school year, it becomes more and more apparent that I will never be able to give all my time to all the people that I love. Should you ever read this, I hope you know that if I ever considered you a friend in my life, I still love you to this day. We may not hang out anymore (we may never hang out again), but I will still love you. If we have ever fought; if one of us has been at fault, I will still love you. I learn and re-learn unconditional love daily. I do have a fear of not being able to show those I appreciate how much I appreciate them, but such is life I suppose. I am given only one body and one chance to live this life, and there are far too many people for me to ever be able to reach every heart. I will be content to learn how to love properly those I am blessed enough to be given.

There is a bittersweetness being back though. I feel like a weight of expectation has been placed upon me. I feel like I am only going to be respected as an individual if I act the way people around me think I should act. I do understand that most of these actions are for my benefit and they are caused from my friends' and peers' love for me, not from some maliciousness inside of them. However, it is something that carries a bit more weight that I would like. We are told to "not care about what other people think." In the right context, that statement still applies, but when you have people in your life like I do now, you have to care about what they want for you. I have met so many fantastic people, I can only hope that I can lessen myself to continue to see the world through open and unselfish eyes. I am blessed to have support from so many people that I truly believe want me to succeed, but if I am to be honest at this point and time, I feel like I'm missing some sort of mark. I don't have anything really tangible to say is wrong in my life, things are sunshine and flowers, but I am getting a small nagging in the back of my mind that something is amiss.

I hope this can all be gone soon so I can get back to focusing on the many beautiful things of this world. I can already tell that this year will have one thing in common to last year: I will be a different man when I reach the other side.

Be loved dear reader, for you are.
- Ian M Charbonnet