Requested

*This post is much less organized than my others, and was written early in the morning. But I am tired and probably won't edit it, so it will probably look like writing A.D.D. to most people...

I was requested by a good friend of mine to post another blog. 2:30 am on my second to last day of Spring Break, I find myself bored enough to humor the request.

On the subject of friends, I find myself with a plethora of people I love and trust. I think "plethora" has been overused since Dane Cook was popular (you know, back in the day). I constantly feel blessed and undeserving for the quality of people I have known and loved in my life. These good feelings reach their ultimate high during my band's concerts. To see my friends come and support me in doing the thing I love most is an emotion I will never be able to put to words.

This post got a little cheesy.

The nature of friends. Why do we find our value so often in what other people think of us? Most people would agree with me when I say it is healthy to have at least a few close friends that you love and trust. But why is that? Our self worth seems to be measured by how many and what quality our friends are. I feel like that is the wrong reason for friendship.
Honestly, I have never felt that I have a shortage of friends (someone will probably read that and purposely decide they don't want to be my friend and I apologize for never getting the chance to love you). Maybe it's an outgoing attitude, maybe it's the fact that I trust fairly easily, I don't know. All I know is that I find myself wanting to love a large number of people and never finding the time or the means to do so to my fullest.
Tonight I went to four different locations to spend time with different people over the course of six hours. Most people are thinking, "cool Ian let's talk about how many people you have to see." But my point is that in that time, I attempted to maintain connections with people I love, but found myself incapable of giving my friends more than an hour and a half of my time. True love gives and does not expect to receive and giving your time is one of the best gifts you have to give. I will always regret not being able to give enough.

When did I put Coldplay on my iPod?

I don't really have a direction, I guess I'm trying to get to the point that I have a lot of people I want to love, and there's never enough of me to do so. There never has been and never will be.
"'cause I, I wanted to fly like Superman does and feel tremendous." - Moi
I can't be everyone's Superman, but I try so hard. Vanity finds its way into my posts almost as easily as Love does, yet even with the vanity of trying to hold on to so many people, I can't stop. I can't be less than the love I feel I can still give. One of my friends said about their other friends, "I hope we stay friends forever."

We won't.

I guess with Life you grasp your morals, ambitions, and beliefs all up in one hand, and a group of friends in the other and jump. There's not a whole lot Life can guarantee, but I guarantee you that we will not maintain ALL the friendships we have now.

But I won't ever stop trying. Or at least I tell myself that. Maybe I say things like that to keep away from the fact that someday I may stop trying. I don't pursue everyone's heart the same, and on certain days I want to be with some people, and others I don't.
But if it came down to it, I (hope that I) have the character to show Love when someone needs it. I can't always know, and I pray daily that I am an example of the Love I believe I am a recipient of, but I will fall short of that.

Consider this a statement of my intentions, reader. If you have a soul, I will attempt to love it. "Friends" is such a tossed around term. I love a lot of people and want to show it, my friends are just the ones that I do that more obviously and consistently.

Guess this turned into a bunch of random thoughts on friendship. It kills me to see people leave my life, but at the same time it brings me joy to see my friends loving the lives they lead, even if I don't play a huge role in them. The only thing I ever regret is when I find out that the way I loved a friend was detrimental to them, that I had a negative impact on their life. I want to be a positive factor to your life, and if I'm not doing that, then I'm not loving you right.

So consider this also an apology if I have ever wronged you. I am human. I fail at the things I claim to stand for and many other things. Sometimes I love only when it's convenient, sometimes I care more about what I need to do on a given day. But ultimately, I will always come back to the conclusion that I am a happier individual if I am honestly putting others' lives in front of my own.

As I've said a thousand times over, you are loved.
- Ian C

playlist:
Emarosa (the new album)
Yiruma
Super Mash Bros
Dead Mou5
Classical/Baroque music (Beethoven, Schumann, etc)